Wednesday, June 17, 2009

IKEA. Don't you mean ICK-kea.


Well, not really. It wasn't that bad. I haven't been in Ikea since 2002--and that was with Lucy in the suburbs of Chicago. I took the free water taxi from Pier 11 near Wall Street. (Walked down Wall Street from the 5 and passed some kind of red carpet event with photographers and what I guessing were some kind of celebrities. I paused for a minute to see if I could recognize someone--Sanjaya, perhaps, or Adam Sandler--but I didn't immediately spot someone so I lost interest.) The 15 minute boat ride was just about perfect--through the Buttermilk Channel separating the abandoned docks of Brooklyn and enshaded brick buildings of Governors Island with the skyline of Manhattan at my back.

I bought a couch (it's so fucking turquoise! fuck yeah!) and a table and that's it. The couch--the Kufrugenflaffenbjorgentooff--was on sale, $200 off the original price due to its turquoise-ocity. And THAT turquoise couch was $400 less than the original couch I had in mind, a hideabed called the Bjafomeinkampfengurpensku. I ate chicken tenders and fries--I couldn't bring myself to order the Swedish meatballs--in the cafeteria and watched the sunset behind Lady Liberty. I waited in line for 20 minutes to purchase my goods. Then I stood in line for 45 minutes waiting for the Ikeans to offer up my turquoise couch from the bowels of the building. Then I pushed it over ten feet to the left and waited in another line for another 30 minutes to set up a Friday afternoon delivery. (Apparently, there was a run of the turquoise couches--the guy in front of me had also purchased one and the pretty, delicate-boned New Jersey-accented ladies behind me had also purchased one. However, I GOT THE LAST TURQUOISE COUCH, BITCHES! In your face, polite ladies! So they left empty-handed.)

It was almost 10p when I finally got stopped waiting in lines. I walked out the door and to the bus stop . . . and waited in line to take the bus to Jay Street/Borough Hall. The A to the E to the R and home. A tall boy, the end of The Dark Knight and then bed.

(Oh, also: Vikingo's Dungeon is now Viking's Dungeon. Now that's an improvement.)

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